R&R

As I mentioned in my previous post I was able to get away last week for some R&R to Las Vegas. Now a few things might be going through your mind. Didn't I just get back from having R&R in beautiful Hawaii and is Las Vegas really the type of place one would go to for some R&R? Yes and Yes. Yes I was able to find some moments to myself while in Hawaii BUT I still had my children with me which as any mom knows pretty much nullifies the whole R&R concept. As far as my choice of destination for R&R, well I didn't really have a choice. My husband was going for work and asked if I would like to join him. It took me about a half of a second to say yes. While we were on the plane descending into Vegas Rod asked me what I was going to do with all my time since he was going to be in meetings for most of it. My exact words were, "oh don't worry about me I have a plan." My plan was R&R.

After checking into the hotel and surveying our room I knew instantly my plan would be a success. Actually all I had to see was the jacuzzi size bathtub to be convinced. The walk-in closets, plush bathrobes, comfy double sized chair by the coffee table and enormous bed with squishy white down bedding was just bonus. I had all the armor I needed. Two magazines, two books, two journals, calendars, deep hair conditioning mask, bubble bath, nail polish and Starbucks in the lobby. In addition I also had my husband to myself (when he was not in meetings) and a great date night planned out (see previous post.) As great as all of these things turned out to be it was actually the renewal of my mind and spirit that left the lasting impression.

Looking back on 2007 I am thankful for some great memories, great answer to prayer and good times in general. However I am not proud of the time or lack of time I spent alone just to journal, reflect, read and renew. I spent most of last year living in what's been called the tyranny of the urgent. Rather than taking time to journal and pray I kept running through life taking care of EVERYTHING that I thought needed to be done. Instead of taking my lashing out at my kids and husband as clues that maybe I needed to stop for a break I chalked up my attitude as par for the course. Even before I had children I remember listening to speakers say when you have small children you will have to be ok with not having a structured quiet time. I've told myself time and time again since having children that this is a season of life I'm in and I need to be "creative" in my devotional life. So I may not have time by myself but I could always stop with my child and take in a beautiful flower or listen to the birds outside. It's taken me almost five years to learn that those wonderful, serene moments with children are few and far between and try as I might, dirty dishes and diapers are not worth pondering over it's just about getting it done and moving on.

Here is what I now know. For me, and I realize everyone is different so I only speak for myself, no matter what season of life I'm in I NEED a structured time preferably alone to daily pray and read a bit. I also NEED some extended time alone once a week to journal and read and pray and if at all possible I would really benefit well from even more extended time like several hours to myself at least once a year. I would even venture to say this season of life I'm in with small children is when I need to be more pro-active than ever to make sure I'm finding time to get away and refuel. Before having children even working full time it was so much easier to find time to read a book or have a quiet time. I'm not saying I have not grown in the past five years. I do believe by learning how to love my family more each day as Jesus does he is making me more whole in who he created me to be. Yet at the same time I'm also liable to get stuck in feelings of inadequacy, having little to offer besides teaching a seminar on how to get your family on a perfect laundry schedule. As important as that may be I think it's easy for moms to push down undeveloped gifts and talents for the sake of "family."

When I get alone with God he reminds me of the desires he has put on my heart. He prompts me to do things that I would have possibly missed out on had I not taken the time to listen. He encourages me to keep learning and growing and takes away the need to have everying perfect or completed. And although I can see God in a beautiful flower or a chirping bird, getting away gives me a chance to hear him call my name. I leave that time feeling energized to take on the role I have as a mom and a wife. I can give to my family freely out of genuine love and compassion rather than feeling like I have to. In the book Urgings of the Heart, authors Noreen Cannon and Wilkie Au say it best, "we must know we are loved before we can love ourselves and others."

As Rod's uncle a pastor in Hawaii said in his sermon a few weeks ago, 2008 will be great! Yes it will be because no matter what I'm making time for reading, renewal, reflection and retreat. Hopefully rest and relaxation will come with that but if not there's always next year!