Pine Cones to the Rescue

Yesterday was a bit challenging in more ways than one. Rhett and I were both in a terrible mood most of the day which resulted in much yelling, crying, complaining and grumpiness and not much patience, tolerance, kindness or even good old fashion family love. By early evening I was counting down the hours to bedtime when I could get some solace. As I was anticipating this time with a cup of hot tea, a good book and a roaring fire (it was pretty chilly out) I realized we were out of pine cones for the fireplace.

I bundled up the kids and we headed out to the streets on a pine cone hunt. Rhett and Emmie each had their own bag and I had my camera.

Is it just me or does my daughter look like a bag lady. In spite of a light sprinkle and fast approaching darkness we ended up finding more than enough pine cones for the hearth.

Although my plan on taking the kids out was more to accomplish having some quiet, cozy alone time later I learned changing scenery, getting fresh air and working on something creative together does miracles for sour attitudes. However no outing would be complete without at least one melt down. Apparently Emmie did not like the idea that she had to actually put pine cones in her bag, she preferred to keep hers empty with the exception of the one sock she tossed in it on the way out the door.

Maybe next time I won't need the motivation to get out and about and we'll do it just because...although my fire was very nice, as was my book and cup of tea too.

R&R

As I mentioned in my previous post I was able to get away last week for some R&R to Las Vegas. Now a few things might be going through your mind. Didn't I just get back from having R&R in beautiful Hawaii and is Las Vegas really the type of place one would go to for some R&R? Yes and Yes. Yes I was able to find some moments to myself while in Hawaii BUT I still had my children with me which as any mom knows pretty much nullifies the whole R&R concept. As far as my choice of destination for R&R, well I didn't really have a choice. My husband was going for work and asked if I would like to join him. It took me about a half of a second to say yes. While we were on the plane descending into Vegas Rod asked me what I was going to do with all my time since he was going to be in meetings for most of it. My exact words were, "oh don't worry about me I have a plan." My plan was R&R.

After checking into the hotel and surveying our room I knew instantly my plan would be a success. Actually all I had to see was the jacuzzi size bathtub to be convinced. The walk-in closets, plush bathrobes, comfy double sized chair by the coffee table and enormous bed with squishy white down bedding was just bonus. I had all the armor I needed. Two magazines, two books, two journals, calendars, deep hair conditioning mask, bubble bath, nail polish and Starbucks in the lobby. In addition I also had my husband to myself (when he was not in meetings) and a great date night planned out (see previous post.) As great as all of these things turned out to be it was actually the renewal of my mind and spirit that left the lasting impression.

Looking back on 2007 I am thankful for some great memories, great answer to prayer and good times in general. However I am not proud of the time or lack of time I spent alone just to journal, reflect, read and renew. I spent most of last year living in what's been called the tyranny of the urgent. Rather than taking time to journal and pray I kept running through life taking care of EVERYTHING that I thought needed to be done. Instead of taking my lashing out at my kids and husband as clues that maybe I needed to stop for a break I chalked up my attitude as par for the course. Even before I had children I remember listening to speakers say when you have small children you will have to be ok with not having a structured quiet time. I've told myself time and time again since having children that this is a season of life I'm in and I need to be "creative" in my devotional life. So I may not have time by myself but I could always stop with my child and take in a beautiful flower or listen to the birds outside. It's taken me almost five years to learn that those wonderful, serene moments with children are few and far between and try as I might, dirty dishes and diapers are not worth pondering over it's just about getting it done and moving on.

Here is what I now know. For me, and I realize everyone is different so I only speak for myself, no matter what season of life I'm in I NEED a structured time preferably alone to daily pray and read a bit. I also NEED some extended time alone once a week to journal and read and pray and if at all possible I would really benefit well from even more extended time like several hours to myself at least once a year. I would even venture to say this season of life I'm in with small children is when I need to be more pro-active than ever to make sure I'm finding time to get away and refuel. Before having children even working full time it was so much easier to find time to read a book or have a quiet time. I'm not saying I have not grown in the past five years. I do believe by learning how to love my family more each day as Jesus does he is making me more whole in who he created me to be. Yet at the same time I'm also liable to get stuck in feelings of inadequacy, having little to offer besides teaching a seminar on how to get your family on a perfect laundry schedule. As important as that may be I think it's easy for moms to push down undeveloped gifts and talents for the sake of "family."

When I get alone with God he reminds me of the desires he has put on my heart. He prompts me to do things that I would have possibly missed out on had I not taken the time to listen. He encourages me to keep learning and growing and takes away the need to have everying perfect or completed. And although I can see God in a beautiful flower or a chirping bird, getting away gives me a chance to hear him call my name. I leave that time feeling energized to take on the role I have as a mom and a wife. I can give to my family freely out of genuine love and compassion rather than feeling like I have to. In the book Urgings of the Heart, authors Noreen Cannon and Wilkie Au say it best, "we must know we are loved before we can love ourselves and others."

As Rod's uncle a pastor in Hawaii said in his sermon a few weeks ago, 2008 will be great! Yes it will be because no matter what I'm making time for reading, renewal, reflection and retreat. Hopefully rest and relaxation will come with that but if not there's always next year!

It's So Hard....

Our good friends Steve and Lauren are moving to North Carolina this week. Today was the last time they lead worship at Journey and after church we went over to Lauren's moms house for a going away party for them. Ever since we found out they were leaving I've been more excited for their upcoming adventure then sad to see them go. Today I was sad to see them go. Saying goodbye to Lauren today was hard. This is a girl whose friendship I value greatly. I love how down to earth she is and have always felt so comfortable around her. Even if I don't see or talk to her all week I can count on checking in with her on Sundays. I won't be able to do that anymore and that makes me sad. I will miss them so much but I guess life goes on. So many people I know have had friends or loved ones move away or been the ones to move away but this is the first time I'm really experiencing having someone close move away. No matter what I really don't want to lose touch. I WILL call and hopefully Lauren WILL blog and I will comment on her blog. It's times like these that I'm so thankful for mindless TV so I don't have to think or dwell on the current happenings of my life.

Lauren if you're reading this (and I know you are because you're one of the 7 people that read my blog) goodbye. Please know how much you are loved and how much you and your family will be missed. From a girl who chooses not to cry in public today was a hard one. God bless you guys on this new journey!!

I don't need anymore gifts this year......

Yesterday Rhett has his annual echo-cardiogram to track his heart condition. He was scheduled to see his cardioligist on Monday so he could be checked out and we could get the results from his test. Today Dr. Levy (his cardioligist that we love) called to tell us his heart looks great. He still has some leaking from one of his valves but the repair that was done when he was a baby looks good and his heart function is great. He asked me how he was doing and I said "other than being small for his age you would never know he has a weak heart." The doctor replied and said, "well he does not have a weak heart." He even told us we don't have to see him on Monday because he is so satisfied with the test results so we don't have to go in for another 6 months or even a year.



It's news like this that puts everything in perspective for me. Lately I have been hung up with my daily grind and struggles but NOTHING matters when I get news like this.



Thank you, thank you, thank you Lord for your amazing grace.

Christmas Traditions

Edited: Today I was sitting at the dining room table with my mother in law having lunch and she looked up and saw the advent calendar on the shelf in the dining room. I moved it from Rhetts room because she is staying in there. We had just returned from Trader Joes and she said, "look that calendar is like the green monkey at TJ's you never know where it might turn up"........and then I thought what a great idea. So new edited advent calendar tradition: every night after Rhett goes to bed I'm going to hide the calendar somewhere different in the house and each day he has to look for it and when he finds it he can open that days square. Emmie's will stay in her room for her to open after Rhett finds his. Rhett is really excited about our new game and I'm excited about another way to celebrate this great season.


Last week I bought an Advent Calendar from Trader Joes for each of my kiddos. It's very simple with a box to punch out for each day of the month leading up to Christmas and a chocolate behind each square. It also has a Christmas picture on the back to color. My kids have them in their room and look forward each day to opening it. I was hoping to combine that with a bible verse reading but I have not been able to organize the right ones and make it simple enough for a four year old to understand. Right now he just thinks we do this each day in anticipation of the big birthday party for Jesus we are having on Christmas. My plan is to have some kind of devotional time occasionally when they open their square. What a great deal for $1.19 each.

After buying the calendar I started thinking about what our Christmas traditions are. We have a few that we have been doing for the past few years and I have a few that I'm starting this year. With Rhett old enough now to understand the holiday more I find myself trying to be much more intentional about teaching him why we celebrate Christmas as opposed to just the day we open presents and truly make it a special time of the year. Here are a few things that make up the Kaya's Christmas:

1. We attend Christmas Eve services at church.

2. Christmas Eve the kids get to open one present and it's always a new pair of jammies to wear. This year I'm thinking about starting a tradition where they get to open two presents, one jammies and the second a new book.

2. Christmas morning Rod reads the Christmas Story from one of the gospels and then we each present our gift to Jesus before we open any other gifts. Last year Rhett was too young to participate but this year he is already thinking about what he wants to give Jesus.

3. It's not official yet but I'm thinking about starting a new tradition of making cinnamon rolls to give out to neighbors and to have for Christmas morning.

4. Christmas morning after breakfast and opening gifts Rod and Rhett (Emmie when she gets older) go out to give gifts to random people that have to work on Christmas day at places like 7/11, Starbucks etc. Rod has been doing this for years and just started taking Rhett with him last year.

5. One tradition I would like to start is to have Santa bring three gifts for each child in honor of the three gifts the wiseman brought baby Jesus. I think this might also be a good way to keep the gift buying under control as they get older. It's already too late this year but maybe next year. This would not include stocking gifts or gifts from grandparents. Not sure yet but thinking about it. I think this might be harder for me than for the kids.

6. Christmas day we have a birthday cake for Jesus and sing to him. This is one of the most pratical ways for kids to comprehend what Christmas is all about. What child does not understand what birthday cake and singing Happy Birthday is all about.

7. Lastly we have a nativity scene displayed in the home. I have a few of them but my favorite is the one I bought at Vons several years ago. It's fairly child friendly and I have it displayed where the kids can reach up to it. Ever since I put it out last week Rhett has played with it in some form everyday. Whether Rhett is lining up the wiseman or Emmie is putting Joseph in her purse I love that they are interacting with it. Especially for Rhett I think this serves as a subliminal reminder of the Christmas story for him.

So far those are ours. What are yours?

Ornaments

Rod and I put up our Christmas decorations yesterday. Sadly each year I usually look at this task as an arduous chore to check off my to do list rather than relish in the first festivities of the Christmas season. This year was different for me because my mom had my kids and I had my husband to help me. We took our time throughout the day and played a new Christmas CD in the background that had just arrived in the mail.

As I hung different ornaments on the tree, I took a few extra moments to reflect on my favorite ones.

My mother-in-law gave us this one after Rhett was born. I loved it because it was a perfect picture of our family back then. I love it now because it still reminds me of family and my husbands Asian heritage.

This one reminds me that we can make it through storms in life. My mom gave us this one the Christmas of 2003. This was about a month after Rhett had his heart surgery and I look at it and think how grateful we were back then to have that behind us. I also think it kind of looks like Rhett in a crazy kind of way.

This one was given to us by our Hawaii family Aunt Elsa and Uncle Tommy. I just like it because I think it's cute. I also like to have something tangible to look at that makes me think of them and pray for them since we don't get to see them often enough.

This one was given to me last year by my mom after my dad passed away. It was attached to a pillow she made me out of my dads clothes. I wish I had known what I was opening when she gave this to me so I could have cried in my closet or somewhere private instead of in front of lots of people. This one obviously makes me think of my dad. You might have to double click on it to be able to read it. On the back it's engraved and says, "Tara- I love you with all of my heart. Daddy." When I think about Christmas and my dad I'm so thankful. He and my mom spoiled us rotten. He always put up Christmas lights and bought the biggest Christmas trees. He loved giving us gifts and delighted in watching us open them. Because of his example I want to make Christmas special for my kids. I'm also thankful because as the ornament says my dad is having the best Christmas ever forever more.

These two ornaments also came from my mom after Emmie was born. It's funny the pink crown on the left almost did not make it on the tree and now it's one of my favorites. I like my Christmas tree decorations to match so the overall picture of the tree is pleasing to the visual eye not just the heart. As cold as that may sound that's what I like and I have no problem admitting that. I'm not really about pink ornaments much less pink crowns but I did have a little girl and yes she does think she's a princess. For my birthday this year my mom took Rhett and Emmie for a few days so I could have a break. I was starting to feel guilty while they were gone that not only did I not miss my children but I even started asking myself why it was I had children in the first place. Then I took this pink crown out of the box and hung it on the tree and cried. It just reminded me that I have a daughter named Emmie Kate who I love so much it hurts and I'm so blessed to be a mommy.

I'm sure more favorite ornaments will be added as the years progress. Right now I will enjoy these and all of the magic this holiday brings.

Good quote

This morning I read this from my Sacred Space devotional.

"You are the God of the living, not the dead; the source of all life, the power of creation, more vital than the blood coursing in my veins, more jubilant than the Alleluia chorus, more intimate to me than my own thoughts or desires, pulsating in an eternal Now."

All I can say is Yes.

Prayer Journal

Several years ago a mentor of mine encouraged me to keep a prayer journal so my prayer life would be more intentional. How many times I would have the best intentions to pray for diffent things but rarely follow up on really praying for them. A few weeks ago I decided to give my old prayer journal a face lift.











I took my moleskine journal and divided it into eleven sections using 1 inch divider tabs. I labeled one for each day of the week along with one for Rod, kids, quotes and misc. In addition to praying for Rod and my kids every day Monday is family, Tuesday is friends, Weds. is home, Thurs. is church, Friday is me, Sat. is world justice and Sunday is San Diego (local justice.)

My favorite part of the journal are the pre-written prayers I cut and pasted to the corresponding sections. Most of the prayers I used were from Stormie Omartian's "Power of a Praying Woman", "Power of a Praying Wife" and "Power of a Praying Parent."

One of the reasons why I used a moleskine journal was so I could have a built in envelope in the back to keep extra prayers that may not apply right now but will be kept for future use.

Every day when I have a few moments I pray for my husband and kids and whatever is assigned to that day of the week. The pre-written prayers help me express to God what's on my heart without having to put too much thought to it which takes time which I don't have. I obviously add specific things that are not written out and have to tweak a few things but for the most part this has helped my prayer life tremendously. In the past few weeks I've prayed more for my family, friends, church, country etc. than I have all year. The majority of the prayers are scripture so this is also helping me learn the Bible more.

This morning I was feeling resentful, tired and irritated. This is a prayer that calmed my spirit and gave me hope.
"The enemy has persecuted my soul; he has crushed my life to the ground; he has made me dwell in darkness, like those who have long been dead. Therefore my spirit is overwhelmed within me; my heart within me is distressed. I remember the days of old; I meditate on all Your works; I muse on the work of your hands. I spread out my hands to You; my soul longs for you like a thirsty land. Answer me speedily, O Lord; my spirit fails! Do not hide your face from me, lest I be like those who go down into the pit. Cause me to hear your lovingkindness in the morning, for in You do I trust; cause me to know the way in which I should walk, for I lift up my soul to you."
Psalm 143:3-8

Oh Happy Day

This morning around 10 am I really thought I was going to cave in under the sofa cushions turned into forts, cheezits on the floor, unmade beds, full dishwasher waiting to be unloaded and a shower desperately calling my name. I was counting down the minutes to Emmie's nap time and Rhett's watch a movie and leave me alone time. However when I was finally sitting alone to journal and read a bit my son must have interrupted me five times to hit play on the dvd player, to get him a drink, to get him a snack and on and on.

Fortunately I don't always feel so overwhelmed by my regular daily tasks, most days I have a pretty good plan around here and I can ride the waves like the best of them. Today just seemed to get off on the wrong foot. It may have had something to do with my husband working all day on his day off and having to work on something all day on his last day off. On days like today I call it for what it is and call a friend to save me.

Thanks to Ingvild by late afternoon I dropped my kids off at her daughter's soccer game and hightailed it out of there not planning on seeing my kids until after dinner. I was off to the library ALONE to look for a book for me and not set foot in the child book or movie section. It was kind of strange to be there and not be the one everyone was staring at with dirty looks as if to say "please take your screaming children out of here since this is after all supposed to be a quiet establishment." While looking for books I heard a few crying babies and had to smile at the luxury of not being responsible for those sounds. I was so surprised and delighted to find this book. It's been on my reading list forever but since I can could never find it at the library I haven't been able to read it yet. I've heard great things about this story and can't wait to dive in.

After the library I was off to Ross to find some designer jeans or at least some that looked like designer jeans without designer prices. Walking into the dressing room was kind of nostalgic remembering my preceding children days when I used to shop at this store regularly and could peacefully try on clothes in this dressing room to my hearts content. I found some jeans that need a little dieting before I actually wear them but at least they will serve as a great motivator. I also found a Christmas wreath, Christamas centerpiece and a new tablecloth. Guess who is decorating for Christmas early this year. I was planning on meeting my date (what I decided to call my husband today since I felt like a single woman with all of this alone time) at the movie theater for a five o'clock movie and figured getting into line to pay at a quarter till left me plenty of time to get to the theater since it was right down the street from the store. This plan would have worked if I was standing in a different line. After evaluating which line would go the fastest I clearly picked the wrong one. I stood there and watched three other people who should have been me walk out the door while I was still waiting to be helped. This must have been because the lady in front of me was trying to pay with every one of her credit cards in her wallet. The first one was expired, the second she could not decide between credit or debit, the third almost worked but just before she signed she saw a better fourth one to use. She almost ruined my perfect shopping spree hour....almost. She finally left and when the clerk began to ring me up me up I started grabbing my stuff from her and stuffing them in bags myself to not miss the movie.

We went to see Dan in Real Life and made it in time for our favorite seats and a few previews. I really liked it and even managed to shed a tear or two. Thanks to Becky from a gift last year we enjoyed a large popcorn and diet coke too. I picked up my fed, bathed, sweet smelling kids refreshed and renewed from having a few hours to myself. On the way home I was smiling, both kids were smiling and all was right with the world again.

Matthew 5:3

Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of God....

What does this mean to me? I don't think this verse is about being depressed, sad and walking around sullen all the time until we die. I do think it means finally coming to grips with the fact that although disturbing, my spriritual condition before God is empty and poor in spirit and that's how it should be. It means next to the almighty God who encompasses everything good and holy I'm a very needy child who is inadequate, helpless and making mistakes constantly yet deeply loved. I think it also means because God created me to be with him I will always struggle with some degree of poverty until I can meet him face to face. I really resonated with what our teaching pastor said yesterday at church, "embrace emptiness- created for.......can't quite have."

Rather than being depressed this awareness gives me freedom. Recognizing my spiritual poverty and being ok with it helps me keep my eyes focused on the only one that can one day take away that emptiness. It gives me the freedom to be who I am and know that God can use me in that place even being poor ins spirit. It's OK to be empty, to struggle. When I feel the sting of what this life on earth can bring I will remind myself that yes, it hurts to be far from where I was created to be and that having desires for things of this earth will not fill my needs. But then I will look to my God and put all of my trust and hope in him in the midst of my emptiness and I will be blessed.

Blessed

I've had a bit of a sour attitude lately. I'm not sure exactly what it is I'm discouraged about but I do know I've spent some time this morning comparing my life to others and my life is not measuring up in my mind. It's the classic "the grass is always greener on the other side" theory.

This lead me to start thinking about it what it means to be blessed? Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness? Is it to have a big house or a new car? Maybe the perfect job or the picture perfect family? Would I say it means to always have what I want when I want it? No I wouldn't even want everything I think I want but maybe some of the other things mentioned above would be nice. And then Jesus spoke some loving truth into my life.

He says,"blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for rightousness, for they shall be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted for rightousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

He also says, "blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it."

I needed a little God perspective. My plan is to do a more in depth study of the Beatitudes and maybe even write a blog post on each one.

Be Blessed Y'all!

Our Commission

These verses had a profound impact on me today.



As God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly; teach and admonish one another in all wisdom; and with gratitude in your hearts sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.




Colossians 3:12-17




I feel like this pretty much encompasses all that my family should work on and the rest will fall into place. I'm planning on printing and framing it and hanging it somewhere significant in our home as a family mission statement.

Hunger

My kids need food for growth and sometimes even more obvious around here for their attitudes. If their hungry or not eating enough it's very evident by their grumpiness and sour disposition. They don't realize it and they don't even want to take the time to stop and eat when they need it but boy what a difference in their spirit when they have a full stomach.

Me too. I'm often going about my day spiritually hungry not even realizing how I need a few moments alone with my creator to quiet my heart and hear from him. Although I am aware when my tone starts to sound mean and my patience is slipping I can only imagine how much more obvious it must be to those around me. Just like my kids who hate to stop and eat I so often neglect this nourishment for my soul. And just like my kids what a difference in my spirit when I take in some rich soul food- God's daily reminders of his love for me and what is really important.

There once was a time when journaling, praying, reading and letting the Lord consume my life was so easy. Several years later, marriage and two small children that once easy discipline is now so hard. This is what the morning looks like around my home.

Rhett: Can I have candy for breakfast?
Me: No Rhett. Now please go away and give mommy some space.
That doesn't work
Rhett: (climbing on top of me) Get up mommy I'm thirsty and I want to play with you
Me: (in a slightly elevated tone) Rhett, mommy is trying to have her quiet time go in the other room
that doesn't work
Rhett: (starting to wine and cry and climb all over me) mommmmmyyyy get up!!
Me: (very agitated) I SAID STOP! GET OFF ME RIGHT NOW. I'M TRYING TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH JESUS!!

I'm so glad I know how to set such a great example for my kids the benefits of spending time with Jesus.
For the record that doesn't work either.

I've come to realize in my household I need to wake up before my children to make this happen. The problem is balancing staying up late to spend quality time with my husband and then waking up very, very early before my children. Several years ago when this was so much easier I told God he was my life and I gave my heart to him. Fortunately even though my life may change year to year my God is the same as he was that day many years ago. I believe even in the small things like waking up earlier than I'm comfortable with I can trust him he will help me and use it for his glory

Thanks Dad

Today marks two years to the day of my dad passing away. I think it's kind of befitting that I sit here in pain from my back going out while painting my porch a few weeks ago. I can only imagine how often my dad probably endured back pain from the endless housing projects he did. Regardless of the pain he kept taking on new projects because he enjoyed it. That and the fact that he loved my mom and wanted to please her. Whenever I paint something or fix something I always stop and think of him and know how proud of me he is. Now that he is gone I'm more aware of our similarities than when he was here. Just like my dad I'll weather the pain but it won't stop me from taking on another project simply because we like it and it's part of who were created to be.

Dad- Thank you for inspiring me to create and to be generous with my time and resources. I love you.

What's Right With the World

A few weeks back I got to attend the Willow Creek Arts Conference in South Barrington, Illinois. I knew a break from the kids and our everyday routine would be nice but I had no idea how refreshing it would be for my soul. We could not have started our trip better since we had a chance to ride first class. There is something about the ample leg room, drinks as soon as you sit down, warm coctail nuts and warm towel that helps you relax no matter what kind of turbulence you might be experiencing. After arriving in Chicago our friends Pete and Barb Kovacevich picked us up from the airport and drove us to Willow where their very generous nephew had loaned us his big, new, fabulous truck for us to drive around in. We met them through their son and daughter in law who used to live in San Diego but now live in Malaysia. They have become great, supportive friends and not only helped get us back to the airport at the end of the trip but even bought Rhett an outfit. We stayed with our friends Dan and Wendy. They have a full house with twin daughters and one son yet they are more hospitable than anyone I know. They have opened up their guest room to Rod on so many occasions its not even funny. When we were getting ready to leave I think I had one of my biggest learnings from my trip. This couple who has already been more than generous with us took the time to give even more by praying an amazing prayer over us for our family and our future. I wish I could have prayed for them if only I was not so choked up by their prayer. What an example of giving. It's so cool to have these rich friendships on the other side of the country.

Each session I attended was packed with great insight. I loved what the first speaker Dewitt Jones said about creativity, "creativity is a moment where we see opportunity, where we look at the ordinary and see the extraordinary." The next session was Nancy Beach. I've never listened to her and not learned something. My biggest take away from her session was actually a part of an interview she shared that Bill Hybels had with Bono. Bono said, "be honest with yourself and wrestle with reality. Don't put on a false image that all is well. Embrace darkness while pointing toward the light. Smack in the middle of contradiction is a great place to be." Dan Kimball was the next speaker. I've never heard him before but I think he has a very interesting message for the church. He says, "people that need Christ are mainly experiencing the most aggressive and loudest Christian voices while many "normal" Christians are stuck in church planning services." He also says, "the church is catching up with culture just not out in the world enough." The next day I sat in three break out sessions. The first one was Kem Meyer teaching on blogging but since I'm actually writing about this in a blog I've decided to make my notes on that a post on their own. My second break out was Mark Miller. How could I not love a guy who contributes to the success of Chic-fil-A. He is one creative, smart, funny dude. He said many great things but basically what I needed to hear was "expand your world- travel, study, read, new music, new relationships." The next day was Donald Miller and Erwin McManus. My favorite quote from Donald Miller was, "reason is a mystery. Justification for decison is different for everybody. The reality is much bigger than words can encompass." Erwin McManus always impresses me. He brought a ministry from his church called "Scribble" which was great. My favorite quote of his, "churchs should be asking instead of what kind of church do we want to become we should ask what kind of future do we want to create.

I purposely left out one of the breakouts because it was my favorite session of the conference and deserving its own paragraph. Rod, Kristi and I attended Emotionally Healthy Spirituality taught by Peter Scazzero. He is the pastor of New Life Fellowship in Queens, New York City. The main point of his talk was that it is not possible to be spritually mature while remaining emotionally immature. He shared his own personal story as well as many things he learned while spending four months in a monestary. I'm not going to even try and unpack what he talked about because I could not do it justice. I'm currently reading his book, "Emotionally Healthy Spirituality" and I can tell already it's going to have a huge impact on me. All I will say is read his book. You can also check out his website at http://www.emotionallyhealthychurch.com/. After his session I needed some time to myself to journal and really digest everything I had just heard. I decided to skip the last break out and go outside and take in some of the beauty right outside the doors of the conference. Willow Creek Community Church is on this amazing piece of property with their own lake and fountain. I found this tree (above left) and decided it was going to be my spot to stop and journal and thank God for this experience. Just like he did with the friendships I attended the conference with, our time with friends from Chicago, the amazing sessions I had an opportunity to soak up and learn, the quality time I had with my husband God met me again in this spot and refreshed my soul. The three pictures above were taken during this time. I found out what Dewitt Jones said was true, "life is really that beautiful if I have eyes to see it."

Leaving a Legacy

I remember in the early stages of my relationship with Rod he had reservations about having children. I made it clear that if we were going to be married this was one area I would not compromise in. Over four years later God had changed his heart and given him a desire for children and our first child was soon to be born. I'll never forget sitting in the room during the first formal ultrasound when we were to find out the sex of our baby. The technician pronounced he was a boy and Rod practically jumped from his seat exclaiming with much enthusiasm "THANK GOD!"

I think that was the first moment that sealed the special bond Rod and Rhett share. I remember when Rhett was only a few weeks old Rod would carry him around the house on a pillow. I've never seen my husband be more scared and strong at the same time as when my son endured open heart surgery. When Rod gave Rhett over to the nurses to take him into the operating room he bawled like a baby himself.

When I found out I was having a boy I was very happy, just not as happy as Rod. My only grief in the news was realizing I would have to pass up the cute girls clothes and buy boys clothes which are cute in their own right but not the same. So far Rhett is still young enough that I can play pretty well with him. I have no problem digging in the dirt for roly polies or building houses out of legos and blocks. I love reading to him and answering his endless questions about the world. The other night while I heard Rod and Rhett doing some kind of karate move together I thought for the first time there might come a day when I don't understand this boy thing. I'm so glad I have a husband that not only understands boys but delights in playing ball, watching ball on tv, playing sword fights and being quick enough to know the perfect answer to little boy questions.

When Rhett was young Rod could not have asked our family more times, "isn't he the cutest baby you've ever seen?" As Rhett grew older Rod could not tell enough people how smart he thinks his son is. I'm confident that Rhett will never have a bigger fan than his dad. I've read about how little boys emulate their dads and by my son's actions Rod will probably never have a bigger fan than his son. Without fail Rhett's favorite food is Rod's favorite food. His favorite color is Rod's favorite color. His favorite sports team, I'll give you one guess......Duke Basketball and New York Yankees. He refuses to wear a basball hat unless one of those two teams are represented on it. Even when there is strife between them it's usually because they're so much alike in their strong wills and personality. They are indeed two peas in a pod.

Not only does Rhett emulate Rods preferences but he also mimics his behavior. It's easy for Rhett to say "I love you" because he has heard his dad say it to him several times a day. Rhett is usually quick to say thank you because Rod has ingrained it in his head how important manners are. Prayer is second nature to Rhett because his dad has always prayed with him at every meal, every car ride, every night going to bed and then some. Just recently after watching his dad have a quiet time with Jesus everyday for the past four years Rhett has decided he needs to start having a quiet time too. He sits with Rod in the office and reads his bible while Rod reads his own and journals. What could be a better legacy to pass on to your children then to show them how utterly dependent one needs to be on God to make it in this world.

One of the reasons I have this blog is because I'm horrible at scrapbooking. Rather than organize pictures and memories in an album I look at this blog as a way for my kids to look back and read of treasured moments together with some pictures added in. If my husband ever starts a blog it would be for an entirely different purpose. However when Rhett (and Emmie) is old enough he will have a drawer full of letters, post cards and notes to read that have accumulated over time from his dad. Since Rhett was born Rod has been writing him letters about lifes learnings. Whenever he goes out of town he sends Rhett and now Emmie too a card writing where he is at and what he is learning from his trip. Right before Emersen was born Rod wrote Rhett a long letter about how his love for him could never be replaced and how to be a great older brother. Someday when Rhett is old enough to understand he will have a written legacy that he can keep with him the rest of his life.

Happy late Fathers Day Rod. Thank you for being the most intentional, loving dad to our two biggest blessings. I will be forever grateful that they get to call you dad.

Moments

Ed Noble taught about embracing every day, mundane moments in life this past weekend. My husband has often quoted someone by saying, "the mundane is what makes us great" although I'm not sure who it is he is quoting. My head knows I need to grasp this so I don't waste my life away but understanding and appreciating this and living it out are two very different things. Maybe I should be thankful I'm a stay at home mom because something tells me I have more opportunities to practise this than say a rocket scientist.

The other morning I felt it. Rod and Rhett were still sleeping and Emmie had awoken me crying for "my joo, my joo." I stumbled to the fridge at the ungodly summer hour of 7 am and made her majesty a sippy cup full of apple cranberry juice with a splash of water. As she drank her juice I, only being half awake started to do an inventory of our breakfast foods knowing that her second demand after joo was soon to follow. I hesitantly grabbed a box of dry cereal out of the cupboard thinking this was not going to satisfy her but handed it to her anyways. I didn't put her in a highchair, I didn't even put the cereal in a bowl I just handed her the box. She looked at me with a smile as if to say thank you and took the box and walked off completely gratified by my breakfast selection for her. All of a sudden out of nowhere I felt joy. Why would I suddenly be cheerful and happy about my 15 month old daughter walking off with a box of cereal? It didn't last long, afterall I was very tired and I was soon to embark on our morning cranky routine. But for just a moment I experienced pure, inexplicable joy in doing the mundane.

There will be times I suppose when I'll experience joy due to a planned event. I felt joy on my wedding day. I felt joy when my children were born. I felt joy today celebrating my moms birthday. One of the reasons I love going to church each week is because the mornings are often rough getting there but once I'm there my anxiousness is often replaced with joy. These moments are great but not often enough. I love the way the message version translates the fruit of the spirit. Instead of using the word "joy" it writes "exuberance about life." If joy is going to penetrate my whole life than I'm going to have to find it in the mundane every day moments. Just like anything else if I look for it I'm sure to find it. Afterall I have endless moments to choose from including this one. The subtitle of John Ortberg's book, God is Closer Than You Think says, "this can be the greatest moment of your life because this moment is the place where you can meet God." Imagine every moment being your best moment because you're in the presence of God. What a way to live. Thank you Father for this moment.

Once Upon a TIME

I finally got my daughter to take a nap so I could sit down and have some time to catch my breath. I try to start the day off with some peace and quiet but today that time got away from me. I was sitting in my husbands office with the doors closed to try and remove myself from my son and the sound of his cartoons blasting on the television. The problem with that scenario is my husband seems to find peace and production in a room full of stuff. Tons of books, inspirational quotes, files, cd's, Duke basketball paraphernalia etc. I find peace in quiet, simple spaces. The whole less is more theory comes to mind. However I'm not so ignorant to think God can't meet me sitting at a desk staring at a checkbook, mail, a clock and a coffee mug with this mornings coffee left in it so I press on.

God and I got into a discussion about time. I was telling him ALL the things I needed to get done before I go out of town next week. I was questioning why I had to be the kind of person that refuses to take a nap even if my life depended on it. Even if everything on my to do list was checked off, my entire family was out of town and I had pneumonia I still would have a hard time taking a nap. Once in a blue moon I might nod off if I'm bored with a book I might be reading but even then I'm sure to be awoken within seconds by the little ones that run around my house. I don't like this part of me at all. I'm sure if I analyze this behavior enough I'll find the root of my inability to take a nap probably has something to do with how I place my self value in the things I get done through out the day like cleaning my house. Right now I'm too tired for that. I ended my discussion with God by saying, "you're not going to get me t0 take a nap but at least I've stopped long enough in this day to spend some focused time with you."

At that point I left my husbands office to go read a devotional on line. While going through the reading for today I felt God instinctively tell me to go outside in the backyard and lay in the grass. I hesitated for a moment thinking about bugs crawling on me but then looked outside and saw the beautiful sun shining down calling my name. I went outside and made sure to shut the sliding glass door completely behind me so I would not hear my 3 year old calling for me. I just had to trust his life would be protected since he was engaged in such dangerous activities like watching TV and playing school with plastic animals and weeble wobbles.

While laying on the grass I could feel my body absorbing the vitamin D. I closed my eyes and let go. I was not thinking about how I might be wasting time. I was not feeling my sore throat or headache. I was not hearing my 3 yr. old call my name or my 1 year old cry. I was not smelling the dinner that I should have been cooking. I was just being. I did think about how much God loves me and knows what I need so much better than I do. I did feel instantly rested and at complete peace. I did listen to the siren go down the street and delighted in having a moment to actually acknowledge the fact that a siren went down the street. I did smell the grass beneath me and the fresh, spring breeze. Time seemed to stop and I could have stayed there for hours.

After reflecting on my grassy respite I realized God is the author of time. He can elongate the hours in my day if he sees fit. I wonder if there are things on my to do list that God is not even concerned with. Or maybe my to do list is from him but he wants me to approach it differently. Regardless I learned today that I want my time spent to be always responding to the one who controls it. That and if we ever have a bigger yard I will definitely be buying a hammock.

A Beautiful Day

This morning I was reading the Journey Up devotional on a love that lasts. The writer asks if we feel loved and goes on to say our doubt may be caused by accusations from without and condemnation from within. This is so true. I so often live my life controlled by my own self condemnation rather than resting in the security of Gods love. I think when we truly find this love is when we find real joy.

After thinking about this I took a moment to thank God for loving me no matter what. I thanked him for loving me even if I don't get all my housework done. I thanked him for loving me even if I don't always have the right words to say. I thanked him for loving me when I lose patience with my kids. I thanked him for loving me even if I never find my niche in this world. In that moment I found that Gods love is surprising, unconditional and joy filled.

I really wanted to hold on to the joy I was feeling through out the day and I just could not see that happening while staying home cleaning my house. Besides I just thanked God for loving me regardless of a clean house. I decided to take in his beautiful creation and go play with the kids. I'm so glad I did.

A few minutes into our car ride on the way to Balboa Park Rhett requested we hear Steve on the Journey Up cd. I put on track number one where Steve starts the song by saying "c'mon and put your hands together." In unison Rhett, Ethan and even Emmie start clapping their hands. I would have taken a picture if we were not on the freeway. During the chorus as if they were instructed Rhett and Ethan yelled "I'M FREE!" I'm sure it helps that one of these boys has been listening to his dad sing these songs 24/7 for over a month and the other boy has listened to these songs in the car non-stop for the past few weeks. Regardless it was a beautiful moment that filled me with joy. Looking back now I realize this kind of moment is so common with children. Children are so full of joy and life if we would just take the time to recognize it. Here are some fun pictures from our trip.

GOOD TIMES
THE HAT GAME

THUMB SUCKERS UNITE

LUNCH TIME

I LOVE MY FOOD

c
"MY NEW SHOES MAKE ME RUN FAST."- ETHAN DENISON

A WISE MOM ONCE TOLD ME "WEAR THEM OUT BEFORE THEY WEAR YOU OUT."

PERPLEXED PERHAPS

I LOVE THE OLD BUILDINGS AT THE PARK

ANDE TOOK A BREAK FROM WORK TO SAY HI

VERY COOL DRAGON TO PLAY ON

PROTECTIVE OLDER BROTHER

EMMIE WOULD NOT LET GO OF THAT CORN DOG IF HER LIFE DEPENDED ON IT.

A BEAUTIFUL DAY!

Here's What I'm Learning

I know my last post was a list but it seems to be all I can come up with lately. That and posting my dinner every night. So here is what I have learned in the past week:

1. Worship is not just singing in church. I've known this for a long time but this weekend God gave me a cool picture of it. I was watching someone tonight who obviously does not like to sing. Everyone around him was singing with their arms lifted. He did not look uncomfortable but his eyes were wide open and his mouth was not moving. Now for all I know he was probably singing in his head or heart or even praying with his eyes open while everyone was singing. I know this person well enough to know some of his faith journey lately. If you knew his daily life you would see a man that is drenched in worshiping the Lord. He may not look like it in a corporate church service but I'm sure if we could see is heart as Jesus does we would even be impressed by his devotion. I think this man had an impression on me today because he reminded me of my dad in this way. My dad always felt uncomfortable singing in certain church's but I would never doubt his worship to the Lord. My dad worshiped through serving and giving and loving people.

By saying this I'm not trying to make light of worship through song or expression with our hands or dance or whatever else. To the contrary I actually loved having the opportunity to go to our church's worship/prayer servivce tonight and freely praising God in that way and watching others do so as well. Whether I'm singing a song or cooking my family dinner or maybe even giving up my dinner I love that I can worship God in all of these things.

2. God blesses those that get out there. Another cool sight I took in tonight was this couple holding hands that I did not know until now that they were dating. What blesses me about this couple is the girl who I really don't know at all, yet I feel like I know part of her story. We met in the cry room over three years ago. My son was 6 months and her son was just over a year. Although I'm sure she struggled with the challenges of raising this little one as a single mom she always had the brightest smile on her face. Over the past few years I've noticed her from a distance. She always goes to every church event possible and brings her son with her. She appears to have made close, rich friendships at Journey and still continues to keep that bright smile on her face. Tonight from a far it looked to me like maybe just maybe God had brought a very special person into her life. I love watching people embrace community and continue to trust God no matter what. Tonight I believe I witnessed one way that God blesses those that keep the faith.

3. I love reading about Italy and France. I know this is random and having nothing to do with the above items but it is something I have learned about myself this week. I would love to go there one day. If Ingvild was ever to move to Norway I would have to visit that place too.
Not that the Denisons are moving to Norway, just had to say if it were ever to happen years down the road.