Riley James

I got to visit Riley in the hospital today. Ever since Steve and Lauren told us he would need this surgery I thought back to the hell we went through when Rhett had surgery and I knew I had to be there for them. When your baby has surgery and has to stay in the ICU for one hour, one day or many days the pain is indescribable. You sit there for hours on end and stare at the machines. You keep track of their blood pressure, pulse, oxygen saturation and temperature. Anything that may seem minor and probably is to the surgeon who just healed your child feels so major to you and you worry about it until whatever it is works out. Time stops and you forget about the "normal" functioning world outside of that hospital. You don't feel the need to eat or sleep. What you do feel the need for is to be there for your baby. You sit and watch them and your heart aches for what they have to endure. You want to curse the fact that your baby so small and innocent has to suffer like this. As you watch them you wonder how much their little minds can comprehend and you want them to know more than anything that "mommy is here or daddy is here and we're not going anywhere until you're ok."

I'm so glad I went to visit him. It feels so different visiting someone else's baby in the hospital. As much as I love this family and as much as my heart aches for them I don't feel their pain. When I saw Riley today I was encouraged. I think he looks great after going through that kind of surgery. When I looked at his vitals all I saw was positive numbers. When Lauren told me he might need to be in the ICU for three days I thought ok but after that you'll be home soon. Even the digestive system kinks will work out and he will be peeing like normal before they know it. It's out of character for me to be so positive. If one of my babies was laying in that ICU today I would not have the same perspective. I certainly didn't 3 years ago. Most of the time when things are so personal it's hard to see the big picture. Today I saw a strong little boy who's head was healed yesterday by an operation who is recovering from it beautifully. Without sounding too prophetic I can even see a glimpse of the grand plans that God has for this child.

Please continue to pray for this family. Although they're strong they're in the thick of it. Lauren mentioned in her post she feels a sence of peace and confidence in her sons recovery process. That is amazing to me. Her faith is strong and prayer works. I think more than anything God loves his daughter Lauren just as much as he loves Riley. Maybe I needed that reminder today that he loves me too.